Post by Courtney Solo on Mar 20, 2006 21:29:01 GMT -5
Title: My Sacrifice
Author(s): Courtney_Solo
Timeframe: NJO | post Star by Star
Genre: Agnst + Romance
Characters: Mainly Tahiri Veila and some Anakin Solo.
Summary: Tahiri’s thoughts after Anakin’s death at Myrkr.
Notes: This takes place a little bit before Life Worth Living {J/TK} and a little bit during.
Disclaimer: If GL sues me for posting this because he’s … selfish, or something, will saying “I don’t own Star Wars” convince him of my good intent? [face_mischief]
********
Thump … THUMP … thump … THUMP…
My head is throbbing. It is throbbing because my mind knows my heart is broken, btu my body only knows how to produce tears in my times of grief. Yet, I’ve run out of tears. So, with no more tears left to cry, I sit in my X-wing, waiting for my head to stop pounding, but it doesn’t. I choke out a sob (for I am still crying though tears aren’t trickling down my face) and place a hand on my forehead. My craft is on autopilot, so I close my eyes and sob harder.
If you don’t know me, you wouldn’t understand. If you’ve never been in a war, you most likely wouldn’t understand. If you don’t have someone you love and would die for without hesitation, you need help – and you wouldn’t even comprehend. If you’ve ever been in a battle, you know that you have to be prepared to die. But nothing can prepare you when someone you love dies … nothing. People all around you are falling (or faring well). They’re either escaping or falling to the enemy. They shout for you to move; to keep fighting or you’ll be killed, but you don’t really care. They look to where your gaze remains and they appear genuinely sorry. They tell you they’re sorry he died and run off, like it’s just another death. Just another death. How many deaths will it take for them to figure out that every life counts!? Especially his.
When he died, I couldn’t move; couldn’t breathe; couldn’t speak … couldn’t think. He knew he was going to die, I saw it in his eyes even before his aura started crackling. I’d refused to kiss him, I told him he’d have to come back for that. He’d said ‘Soon then’, but thinking back, I can tell he knew. He knew and he didn’t tell me. He didn’t ignore my comment, pull me into his strong arms and kiss me anyways. He accepted the fact that he’d never kiss me good-bye, and how I hate him for it. Yet I love him so much, it kills me. I feel like the soul survivor of the Myrkr mission without him. I feel empty … useless. I don’t want to live. As I open my eyes and look across space, my head starts throbbing again. The inside of my head feels tender, and my ears become sensitive.
THUMP … THUMP … THUMP … THUMP …
I can’t hear what people are saying over the comlink. I can barely hear my own thoughts. My head feels woozy and I sit back in my seat. Usually I can reach out and feel his presence, and know that I’ll be all right … but not now. My universe is crumbling, almost as fast as my head is pounding, as if the cornerstones and valuable pieces have been suddenly ripped out. Anakin. His name hurts, it sounds raspy on my lips, it feels dead. Perhaps because he is. There is no reason to live, no reason to remain the soul survivor. The love that had been holding me up, my life, was gone, consumed by another phase of life. One he was too young for. We were too young, we all were. I’m only 15, and I’ve already died. No, not physically, but my spirit is dead. My true spirit died with Anakin, who was only 17.
THUMP THUMP THUMP THUMP
The beating gets louder as more tears come. This time I can’t hold them back; I can’t pretend they don’t exist. I can’t pretend I have a life when it’s lying at my feet. I miss him; I love him; I want him. I miss his dark hair; how it fell into his eyes. His ice blue eyes; the ones that would penetrate my soul every time he catches my glance. His arms; the ones that would comfort me when I needed to be lifted up. His lips; the ones that would proclaim his love for me without shame. His kisses; the ones that left me numb for hours…
I look out across space once more and see a speck. Oh joy, a speck. But this one looks suspicious and out of place. Suddenly, the speck becomes a very large speck, and soon enough, a VERY large speck. Then it comes into identifying range. It is Yuuzhan Vong.
”Circle back around, we can fight!” Jacen’s voice comes over the comlink.
“No, Jacen,” My voice sounds hollow, like it has no point, no enthusiasm, no hope …even to me. “Go. Everyone … go. I will distract them.”
”You’ll be killed!”
“This is my sacrifice,” I reply, sighing. I think of Anakin Solo and how much I loved him. I have no doubt that he loved me in return, but what is it to me now? He is gone, and so is my love. “Life isn’t worth living without someone to love you.”
”Tahiri-“ I shut off my comlink. The enemy’s vessel is drawing closer. I could easily maneuver out of their line of fire, but that would endanger the others. All the other Jedi jump to lightspeed accept Jacen. He stays to watch my demise. Everything seems to happen in slow motion. I see the cannons glow and draw back, then jump forward. I could press the eject button and keep living, but life would be more painful than death. My X-wing explodes, and an incredible pain washes over me, then suddenly stops. I open my eyes and gasp. I am … I am seeing everything backwards. Heat is frigid, cold is scorching, light is dark, and vice versa. But everything is beautiful. I happily recognize my surroundings as Yavin 4. I am overlooking Jacen and Tenel Ka seated on a balcony near the top of the Jedi Temple. They are talking, and though they are considerably far away, I can hear them clearly, as if they are seated beside me.
“Anakin’s death was the will of the Force, as was Tahiri’s,” Tenel Ka was saying. I guess I have been dead a couple days. “Think of how happy they are right now.” I sigh, if only she were right.
“Happy?” Jacen asks incredulously. “How can they be happy? They’re dead.”
“They are together,” she says softly. I suddenly feel a familiar, strong arm around my waist. I hear his joyful laughter …. his laughter mixed with declarations of ‘I love you’. I blink back tears of joy and hug him tightly. Then, I can no longer hold it back, and I sob openly with relief and happiness into his shoulder. He pulls back and wipes away my tears with a tender smile. He leans over and kisses my forehead.
The first words out of his mouth are, “My Angel.” I laugh and push a strand of hair out of his gorgeous ice blue eyes,
“My Dummy,” I whisper. He kisses my cheek and holds me to him tightly. “You’re here, you’re finally back with me.”
“I missed you, Tahiri,” he whispers. I smile and lean up against him. “I love you.” Anakin leans down and kisses me lingeringly on the lips, just as the sun peeks over the mountain tops. I slip my arms around his shoulders and he draws me closer. I recognize the feeling that flows through my body; Love.
“I love you, too,” I reply. Maybe you’re thinking we’re too young, and you’re right. I’m 15 and he’s 17, but y’know what? We were too young to fight, too young to be knighted, too young to be sent to Myrkr and die … yet we did all that. And though some people may consider us too young to even know what love is, I say this: you will know love when you feel it. And I have felt it, I always will when I’m around Anakin Solo.
He leans down and kisses me again, and again. And, of course, I don’t mind. We are together again, we made our sacrifices.
So, this is my sacrifice. I don’t regret and second of it.
Tahiri Veila[/b]
Author(s): Courtney_Solo
Timeframe: NJO | post Star by Star
Genre: Agnst + Romance
Characters: Mainly Tahiri Veila and some Anakin Solo.
Summary: Tahiri’s thoughts after Anakin’s death at Myrkr.
Notes: This takes place a little bit before Life Worth Living {J/TK} and a little bit during.
Disclaimer: If GL sues me for posting this because he’s … selfish, or something, will saying “I don’t own Star Wars” convince him of my good intent? [face_mischief]
********
Thump … THUMP … thump … THUMP…
My head is throbbing. It is throbbing because my mind knows my heart is broken, btu my body only knows how to produce tears in my times of grief. Yet, I’ve run out of tears. So, with no more tears left to cry, I sit in my X-wing, waiting for my head to stop pounding, but it doesn’t. I choke out a sob (for I am still crying though tears aren’t trickling down my face) and place a hand on my forehead. My craft is on autopilot, so I close my eyes and sob harder.
If you don’t know me, you wouldn’t understand. If you’ve never been in a war, you most likely wouldn’t understand. If you don’t have someone you love and would die for without hesitation, you need help – and you wouldn’t even comprehend. If you’ve ever been in a battle, you know that you have to be prepared to die. But nothing can prepare you when someone you love dies … nothing. People all around you are falling (or faring well). They’re either escaping or falling to the enemy. They shout for you to move; to keep fighting or you’ll be killed, but you don’t really care. They look to where your gaze remains and they appear genuinely sorry. They tell you they’re sorry he died and run off, like it’s just another death. Just another death. How many deaths will it take for them to figure out that every life counts!? Especially his.
When he died, I couldn’t move; couldn’t breathe; couldn’t speak … couldn’t think. He knew he was going to die, I saw it in his eyes even before his aura started crackling. I’d refused to kiss him, I told him he’d have to come back for that. He’d said ‘Soon then’, but thinking back, I can tell he knew. He knew and he didn’t tell me. He didn’t ignore my comment, pull me into his strong arms and kiss me anyways. He accepted the fact that he’d never kiss me good-bye, and how I hate him for it. Yet I love him so much, it kills me. I feel like the soul survivor of the Myrkr mission without him. I feel empty … useless. I don’t want to live. As I open my eyes and look across space, my head starts throbbing again. The inside of my head feels tender, and my ears become sensitive.
THUMP … THUMP … THUMP … THUMP …
I can’t hear what people are saying over the comlink. I can barely hear my own thoughts. My head feels woozy and I sit back in my seat. Usually I can reach out and feel his presence, and know that I’ll be all right … but not now. My universe is crumbling, almost as fast as my head is pounding, as if the cornerstones and valuable pieces have been suddenly ripped out. Anakin. His name hurts, it sounds raspy on my lips, it feels dead. Perhaps because he is. There is no reason to live, no reason to remain the soul survivor. The love that had been holding me up, my life, was gone, consumed by another phase of life. One he was too young for. We were too young, we all were. I’m only 15, and I’ve already died. No, not physically, but my spirit is dead. My true spirit died with Anakin, who was only 17.
THUMP THUMP THUMP THUMP
The beating gets louder as more tears come. This time I can’t hold them back; I can’t pretend they don’t exist. I can’t pretend I have a life when it’s lying at my feet. I miss him; I love him; I want him. I miss his dark hair; how it fell into his eyes. His ice blue eyes; the ones that would penetrate my soul every time he catches my glance. His arms; the ones that would comfort me when I needed to be lifted up. His lips; the ones that would proclaim his love for me without shame. His kisses; the ones that left me numb for hours…
I look out across space once more and see a speck. Oh joy, a speck. But this one looks suspicious and out of place. Suddenly, the speck becomes a very large speck, and soon enough, a VERY large speck. Then it comes into identifying range. It is Yuuzhan Vong.
”Circle back around, we can fight!” Jacen’s voice comes over the comlink.
“No, Jacen,” My voice sounds hollow, like it has no point, no enthusiasm, no hope …even to me. “Go. Everyone … go. I will distract them.”
”You’ll be killed!”
“This is my sacrifice,” I reply, sighing. I think of Anakin Solo and how much I loved him. I have no doubt that he loved me in return, but what is it to me now? He is gone, and so is my love. “Life isn’t worth living without someone to love you.”
”Tahiri-“ I shut off my comlink. The enemy’s vessel is drawing closer. I could easily maneuver out of their line of fire, but that would endanger the others. All the other Jedi jump to lightspeed accept Jacen. He stays to watch my demise. Everything seems to happen in slow motion. I see the cannons glow and draw back, then jump forward. I could press the eject button and keep living, but life would be more painful than death. My X-wing explodes, and an incredible pain washes over me, then suddenly stops. I open my eyes and gasp. I am … I am seeing everything backwards. Heat is frigid, cold is scorching, light is dark, and vice versa. But everything is beautiful. I happily recognize my surroundings as Yavin 4. I am overlooking Jacen and Tenel Ka seated on a balcony near the top of the Jedi Temple. They are talking, and though they are considerably far away, I can hear them clearly, as if they are seated beside me.
“Anakin’s death was the will of the Force, as was Tahiri’s,” Tenel Ka was saying. I guess I have been dead a couple days. “Think of how happy they are right now.” I sigh, if only she were right.
“Happy?” Jacen asks incredulously. “How can they be happy? They’re dead.”
“They are together,” she says softly. I suddenly feel a familiar, strong arm around my waist. I hear his joyful laughter …. his laughter mixed with declarations of ‘I love you’. I blink back tears of joy and hug him tightly. Then, I can no longer hold it back, and I sob openly with relief and happiness into his shoulder. He pulls back and wipes away my tears with a tender smile. He leans over and kisses my forehead.
The first words out of his mouth are, “My Angel.” I laugh and push a strand of hair out of his gorgeous ice blue eyes,
“My Dummy,” I whisper. He kisses my cheek and holds me to him tightly. “You’re here, you’re finally back with me.”
“I missed you, Tahiri,” he whispers. I smile and lean up against him. “I love you.” Anakin leans down and kisses me lingeringly on the lips, just as the sun peeks over the mountain tops. I slip my arms around his shoulders and he draws me closer. I recognize the feeling that flows through my body; Love.
“I love you, too,” I reply. Maybe you’re thinking we’re too young, and you’re right. I’m 15 and he’s 17, but y’know what? We were too young to fight, too young to be knighted, too young to be sent to Myrkr and die … yet we did all that. And though some people may consider us too young to even know what love is, I say this: you will know love when you feel it. And I have felt it, I always will when I’m around Anakin Solo.
He leans down and kisses me again, and again. And, of course, I don’t mind. We are together again, we made our sacrifices.
So, this is my sacrifice. I don’t regret and second of it.
Tahiri Veila[/b]
Jesus Freak 
